13 hours ago
Monday, February 9, 2009
hey, i've got commentary without much to say
so as i left campus this afternoon at approximately 3:37 in the p.m. i was struck but the amazing scene of a storm rolling in. campus sits at the base of some little mountains (read little rocky style mountains, so real mountains, not hills) and the grey ominous clouds dropped down over the mountain tops and began to fill the space in between the foothills and the university grounds rather quickly. soon the taller buildings started to disappear underneath the cobalt grey mass and the breeze started pushing harder against my exposed cheeks. i stood at the light and found that i didn't care so much about crossing anymore. the living, breathing, feeding monster rushed overhead and the cloud covered blue disappeared into a devouring mass of dark. the frozen rain started hitting me in the face, and i still couldn't move, or at least i didn't want to. with the snow my field of vision was reduced to the small circumference that my aura projected around me. it is beauty and organically colorful moments like this that make it hard for me to remember the daunting and looming power of a storm and the risks inherent in it to the exposed individual. everyone seemed to run around me while the clouds slowed down just for me. i love being outside, i remember a storm in the uinta mountains with members of my bloodline when i was younger where the lightning was so close you could feel the electrical charge and smell the thunder. I often look for these moments and opportunities to bond with, never confront, a storm and they form the greater part of my positive memories in my outdoor life. for a few minutes today i remembered who i am, what i believe, why i believe, and who i want to be and what i want to believe. my mom is in the hospital, they want to give her someone elses lungs, she doesn't know if she wants them, and it doesn't matter what i want. since i was about ten years old they have been telling me that my mom was going to die, three years would be a miracle, lets give you some new medicine, but this doesn't change anything, there is no cure, the same things that make the storms so beautiful make us all unique, and they decided to make my mom different. i don't like this storm nearly as much as the one i saw this afternoon, and don't think that i can handle it when it really hits.