you don't know just how much i miss you, yah my stomach aches in your absence. i don't know what i'd do without you cause i'd have no one to follow

Sitting in the library again, been here since ten this morning, i was late getting up, worked late last night. i didn't get my usual seat today, i was late getting up this morning, but i seem to be getting more done so maybe the change was good. the change was good, i have been sitting in the same place roughly 10 hours a day for the last three weeks, i finally convinced myself that if i hadn't read it by now, i didn't need to...we'll see. i had to pick a seat with power access, to keep the ol' laptop goin, this power source just happens to have a window by it. so right now instead of working on the parallel revisionism and my critique of history (i'll never believe cultural history again) i am staring out the window and righting here. out the window it stars out green (i'm looking at rock canyon for anyone who knows it) on the right in typical rolling hill fashion, then the rich houses, then more green. to the left its the the brown rock that eventually fades to dark grey and juts up and out to one prominent feature. the two form a perfect little valley ravine, and in the V slot between them you can see the dark cobalt grey of the jagged mountain behind it, every angle of which points to its snow covered peak. put i can't see the peak today, its buried in fast moving clouds. they start out white and fluffy right around the peak, and then slowly turn darker and darker as they radiate out and away from the mountain tops. every once in a while you get a bright blue patch that floats by. its funny how dark the shadow is that the clouds slowly drip down onto everything, and yet at the same time seems so inviting, even enticing. I'm looking forward to maryland, especially the trees, and i'm even hoping to learn how to sail, but i'll miss my mountains, yeah my mountains, god gave them to me.

200,000 (in counterfeit 50 dollar bills)

Looking for a pocket for his 50 dollar bills
Looking for a thruway to his thrills
On the train ride back to Baltimore

so i'm gonna be on a train ride back to baltimore here pretty quick.

jornadas internacionales de teatro, and being a bluetick coonhound sounds kind of fun after being a cougar for so many years...

I always did like turtles. and razorback turtles (anyone else remember TMNT II?), cool...

well here we go again, you've found yourself a friend that knows you well, but no matter what you do you'll always feel as though you tripped and fell

so one old friend is going to cuba, one ex is in a relationship with someone new and i stay the same, one relative is out of the hospital and another is being moved into a care facility, mom is gone again, sister has moved on to the next attempt to define herself by the relationship she is in, one inspiration is questioning her occupational choices, one childhood best friend finally found a job in his chosen field almost a year after graduating with his masters degree and now has to find a new place to live, one childhood best friends wife just got laid off, the same day he started his new job. one pair of black and red boots i wore this week, one rejection letter, one day of kayaking in howard's hole on the jordan river, one conversation about why i'm not married, one conversation about why i'm not marrying the girl i spend more time with than anyone else in my life right now, one weigh-in with a physical trainer to learn i've lost 9 pounds, 4% body fat, and taken 4 inches of of my waist in the last 5 weeks, one pile of papers i was supposed to grade but lost so i gave all of my students full points to not have to admit that i screwed up, one shower in the last 4 days, one time i actually looked up what i have to do to join the peace corps and get the hell out of the country, one album downloaded (new citizen cope the rainwater lp, highly recommend it), una olla de caldo de res homemade just like lidia buenfil used to make, one balanced checkbook (easy when it's zero), one load of laundry left to do after not doing laundry for three weeks and trying to get clean cloths to wear, one new station created on pandora that i can't get enough of, one time i thought about calling a friend this weekend and didn't, one churrasco palta i plan on eating this wednesday, one more time that i looked down and missed having OPI finger nail polish on, one more time that i wanted to explain what has been going on in my life over the last few months.

when you have completed what you thought you had to do and your bloods depleted to the point of stable glue then you'll get along. steady as she goes, are you steady now?

there's a man holding a megaphone he must have been the voice of god

there is a full moon outside tonight. It's november 3rd and an outstanding 64 degrees outside. there's something about standing outside in the fall, looking up at a full moon and being completely comfortable for a second in your surroundings that just makes me melt into myself. it's that split second where i just don't care about anything else, and don't care that i don't care about anything. i usually feel so bad when i don't feel the way that i should, when i don't believe what i am told, when i question the ones i respect, but the moon, the full moon makes it okay for me to be...just be for a second. when i sit in the perfection of the full moon light its okay that i'm not so...perfect, that i don't know, that i don't believe, that i just can't seem to get a grip on anything. the moon is great, and the fall moon when its full is one of the greatest things.

is there so much hate for the ones who love?

so i haven't posted anything since i left home for the summer to go, well, home, i guess. i've been coming up to idaho for 9 years now, it's hard for me to remember a time when i didn't and there have been some great times and some horrible times for me. others have loved that i leave or some have never understood why i keep coming back and hate it.

it's funny that i always think that i "know" people, or that i can 'read" them and people always seem to think the same about me, i'm pretty easy to read i guess, but this summer has really pointed out to me how often we impose our idea of the other on them. i think that i know someone and act accordingly just to find out that i was wrong all along. i had someone announce to everyone the other day "what i was thinking" in a situation. he was really wrong. i could understand why he would think that i would think that way and could even see myself thinking that, but at that moment i didn't. my feeling were quite different.

i love my friends and family and am sorry for the times that i impose my own feelings and ideas on you or act in a way that you don't understand at all and i seem to think that you should understand perfectly. i hope that you love me for who i am and not who people think that i am and that i can love you for who you are and not some idea that floats around in my head with all of my insecurities and preconceived notions about life and people.

oh, and this is a little glimpse of why i come to idaho for the summers...no lies, just love