Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog, where no one notices the contrast of white on white

well, the few blogs that i prescribe to have seemed to all have a "home" or some sort of "family" theme this past week. they talked about anything from settling in, to where home really is, and the calling back to home, and even how people from their home treat each other. so i have been feeling quite out of place in all that i do recently, it seems to be somewhat inspiring for a thesis however, and i have actually been somewhat productive this week. Home is an interesting concept for me. i have lived at home longer than many, but i have left for significant amounts of time more than most. i don't think that i can think of a time when i ever felt home sick, and yet i can't think of a time that i felt any different at home than i have in my travels. so what is home? what does it feel like? I have an amazing mother, when I don't get to talk to her, or see her i miss her. but when i am at her house i miss mexico and guatemala, and even idaho. so is it possible to have that many "homes" ? i was talking with a friend last night and she got confused because i called my parents house "home", and i call my current place of dwelling my "apartment" but i feel the same way about them and when i am in them (except for the fact that i don't have the bookshelve space in my apartment that i had before). As a general rule, the first night in a new place is hard for me and i wount sleep real well, but after that i feel just as much "at home" as i do anywhere else. i am goinog on a kayaking trip the begining of november with some friends, i am really looking forward to this, but the interestign things is that teh beach that we are going to sleep on and my goose down sleeping bag are just as inviting and comforting as the couch in house where i spent the greater part of my life. so what is this "home" thing all about?

music the great communicator, use two sticks to make it in the nature

so, i really really love music. i have been on a jazz kick lately, and thanks to the cave of montesinos i have a nice little library right now on my computer. i have to admit it is a little trumpet heavy but that's okay... so anyway, i understand that anyone who reads this is probably someone who knows me rather well and is already aware of what i am about to tell you, so this might not be the most exciting post for most of you, but on the off chance that someone happens to stumble upon this, i would like to think that it will make their life better.

check this out pandora
put in your email address, don't worry no problems there, and enjoy commercial free, customizable, personal stations of heaven. i want to recommend to all of you that you check out the "chambao" station, it's one of my favorites!

why are you doing this to me, am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?

so i have been feeling a little sacado de la onda lately. i have been kayaking with some friends, and it really helped, i felt rejuvenated and happy. came back to work and things just didn't seem to keep up. it is always hard when you realize that people don't see you or think about you the way that you think they do, and harder when you realize that you're not the kind of person that you thought that you were...

Way to go Mac

so really quick, i just want to give a big congrats to my friend mac. he defended his thesis today and pretty much rocked! he talked about atahualpa yupanqui poetry and Eco-criticism. Mac is out at Rutgers University, because he is amazing. I owe a lot to mac, he is the one who really taught me how to make and drink Mate, I will always be in his debt.

thanks mac, congratulations, and good luck

Well, I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death. In every city, memories would whisper: "Here is where you rest."

so recently i have realized that i have been to a lot of foreign countries and a big chunk of the u.s. of A but, I have only really ever "lived" in mexico, utah, and, idaho. which leaves a vast space of emptiness in my knowledge of just where i would like to live. it turns out that here in the next few months (give or a take a few more) i will be looking for a new place of residence. here is teh preliminary list that has been compiled, i would really appreciate any info on living in these places that you might have, like in particular "will i like it? ïs there any good whitewater kayaking near by?" "hows the food?" "what about the music scene?" "will my friend ben's kids be safe if he came and visited me?" "I really like tree and mountains (mountains not hills), how about that?"

so here you go in no particular order

florida (like the university of miami area)
kentucky (again uni of kentucky area)
california (oh you know like the santa barbara, or maybe irvine or palo alto)
georgia (this is on the second choice level, but hey you never know)
connecticut
kansas
maybe texas, austin has a great music scene you know
pitt is an option
toronto
and i am throwing out a couple of ideas that i have been playing with lately
puerto rico
ireland
and if possible cuba

these feelings wont go away, they've been knockin' me sideways

i am sitting in my little pseudo-office right now typing on my laptop with cool stickers on the back of the screen and sipping mate. I am having a pretty good day other than a nagging pain in my head that wont materialize into a full blown headache but wont go away either. maybe that's what i get for staying up until early this morning. i just wanted to let anyone who cares know that i had a great weekend, i got to go camping on friday night with my dad then attended to some religious commitments on saturday night and sunday. i'm not sure what others heard but i got a big "come together" and "unity" impression while attending to said commitments. i have been feeling a lot lately for my friends, and the feelings just wont go away, some are amazing, some are of regret, either way i'm not sure what to do with them all. not many of my friends are around any more and the memories are tremendous and the loneliness is torturess.
so this message is to all of you, i love you guys...