In remembrance of things to come

you don't know just how much i miss you, yah my stomach aches in your absence. i don't know what i'd do without you cause i'd have no one to follow

2010-05-19T12:00:00.001-07:00

Sitting in the library again, been here since ten this morning, i was late getting up, worked late last night. i didn't get my usual seat today, i was late getting up this morning, but i seem to be getting more done so maybe the change was good. the change was good, i have been sitting in the same place roughly 10 hours a day for the last three weeks, i finally convinced myself that if i hadn't read it by now, i didn't need to...we'll see. i had to pick a seat with power access, to keep the ol' laptop goin, this power source just happens to have a window by it. so right now instead of working on the parallel revisionism and my critique of history (i'll never believe cultural history again) i am staring out the window and righting here. out the window it stars out green (i'm looking at rock canyon for anyone who knows it) on the right in typical rolling hill fashion, then the rich houses, then more green. to the left its the the brown rock that eventually fades to dark grey and juts up and out to one prominent feature. the two form a perfect little valley ravine, and in the V slot between them you can see the dark cobalt grey of the jagged mountain behind it, every angle of which points to its snow covered peak. put i can't see the peak today, its buried in fast moving clouds. they start out white and fluffy right around the peak, and then slowly turn darker and darker as they radiate out and away from the mountain tops. every once in a while you get a bright blue patch that floats by. its funny how dark the shadow is that the clouds slowly drip down onto everything, and yet at the same time seems so inviting, even enticing. I'm looking forward to maryland, especially the trees, and i'm even hoping to learn how to sail, but i'll miss my mountains, yeah my mountains, god gave them to me.

200,000 (in counterfeit 50 dollar bills)

2010-04-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

Looking for a pocket for his 50 dollar bills
Looking for a thruway to his thrills
On the train ride back to Baltimore

so i'm gonna be on a train ride back to baltimore here pretty quick.

2010-03-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

jornadas internacionales de teatro, and being a bluetick coonhound sounds kind of fun after being a cougar for so many years...

2010-03-25T09:10:00.000-07:00

I always did like turtles. and razorback turtles (anyone else remember TMNT II?), cool...

well here we go again, you've found yourself a friend that knows you well, but no matter what you do you'll always feel as though you tripped and fell

2010-02-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

so one old friend is going to cuba, one ex is in a relationship with someone new and i stay the same, one relative is out of the hospital and another is being moved into a care facility, mom is gone again, sister has moved on to the next attempt to define herself by the relationship she is in, one inspiration is questioning her occupational choices, one childhood best friend finally found a job in his chosen field almost a year after graduating with his masters degree and now has to find a new place to live, one childhood best friends wife just got laid off, the same day he started his new job. one pair of black and red boots i wore this week, one rejection letter, one day of kayaking in howard's hole on the jordan river, one conversation about why i'm not married, one conversation about why i'm not marrying the girl i spend more time with than anyone else in my life right now, one weigh-in with a physical trainer to learn i've lost 9 pounds, 4% body fat, and taken 4 inches of of my waist in the last 5 weeks, one pile of papers i was supposed to grade but lost so i gave all of my students full points to not have to admit that i screwed up, one shower in the last 4 days, one time i actually looked up what i have to do to join the peace corps and get the hell out of the country, one album downloaded (new citizen cope the rainwater lp, highly recommend it), una olla de caldo de res homemade just like lidia buenfil used to make, one balanced checkbook (easy when it's zero), one load of laundry left to do after not doing laundry for three weeks and trying to get clean cloths to wear, one new station created on pandora that i can't get enough of, one time i thought about calling a friend this weekend and didn't, one churrasco palta i plan on eating this wednesday, one more time that i looked down and missed having OPI finger nail polish on, one more time that i wanted to explain what has been going on in my life over the last few months.

when you have completed what you thought you had to do and your bloods depleted to the point of stable glue then you'll get along. steady as she goes, are you steady now?

there's a man holding a megaphone he must have been the voice of god

2009-11-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

there is a full moon outside tonight. It's november 3rd and an outstanding 64 degrees outside. there's something about standing outside in the fall, looking up at a full moon and being completely comfortable for a second in your surroundings that just makes me melt into myself. it's that split second where i just don't care about anything else, and don't care that i don't care about anything. i usually feel so bad when i don't feel the way that i should, when i don't believe what i am told, when i question the ones i respect, but the moon, the full moon makes it okay for me to be...just be for a second. when i sit in the perfection of the full moon light its okay that i'm not so...perfect, that i don't know, that i don't believe, that i just can't seem to get a grip on anything. the moon is great, and the fall moon when its full is one of the greatest things.

is there so much hate for the ones who love?

2009-08-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

so i haven't posted anything since i left home for the summer to go, well, home, i guess. i've been coming up to idaho for 9 years now, it's hard for me to remember a time when i didn't and there have been some great times and some horrible times for me. others have loved that i leave or some have never understood why i keep coming back and hate it.

it's funny that i always think that i "know" people, or that i can 'read" them and people always seem to think the same about me, i'm pretty easy to read i guess, but this summer has really pointed out to me how often we impose our idea of the other on them. i think that i know someone and act accordingly just to find out that i was wrong all along. i had someone announce to everyone the other day "what i was thinking" in a situation. he was really wrong. i could understand why he would think that i would think that way and could even see myself thinking that, but at that moment i didn't. my feeling were quite different.

i love my friends and family and am sorry for the times that i impose my own feelings and ideas on you or act in a way that you don't understand at all and i seem to think that you should understand perfectly. i hope that you love me for who i am and not who people think that i am and that i can love you for who you are and not some idea that floats around in my head with all of my insecurities and preconceived notions about life and people.

oh, and this is a little glimpse of why i come to idaho for the summers...no lies, just love

2009-04-28T09:41:00.001-07:00

so i just got back from my tromp in seattle and all though i have much to say about the voyage i felt like you would all rather see it than read about it from me. sufice it to say that i could very happily live in the pacific northwest for the rest of my life, and i haven't even tried the kayaking yet.

enjoy,

these are a few of my favorite things

2009-04-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

so i just got back from washington where i spent a few amazing days trouncing around. i am sure that i will have more to say about it later, but for now sufice it to say that i could live very comfortably for the rest of my life in the pacific northwest. allow me to show you why

the rain shall come, and corpses become roses, there's a hidden beauty finding it's way out of everything

2009-04-08T08:06:00.001-07:00

so there's a hidden beauty finding it's way out of everything. i wish that i could be the kind of person that saw that beauty. i tend to lean to the negative side of things, i don't know why and i try and change and be positive but my initial response is always the negative. There is a trip going out this weekend to a river that only runs three times a year, i'm not going. i want to but there are things that i need to do, not want to do...have you ever noticed how the snow glows even in the shadows when it's copulating with the mountain side? i am waiting for the hidden beauty to find it's way out of me, or don't i classify as part of everything?

and for present thoughts on the past the song is katie come true by son, Ambulance. now there is some hidden beauty

whatever you need to make you feel like you've been the one behind the wheel the sunrise is just over that hill the worst is over

2009-03-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

fate: 4 me: 0

the worst is over

whatever i said to make you think
that loves the religion of the weak
this morning we love like weaklings
the worst is over
Do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do
the worst is over
(lyrics by cursive, i can't take credit for them)

i've been misunderstood for all of my life but what they're saying girl it cuts like a knife "the boy's no good"

2009-02-23T15:51:00.000-08:00

10 minutes of anxiety induced nausea

9 colors of opi nail polish that i have personally tried on and can attest to

8, eight i forget what eight was for

7 hours of kayaking last week

6 tamales, that's how many i ate after me and some of my best friends spent a few hours slow roasting pork, seasoning chicken, and forming blobs of masa into moist corn husks after making our own salsa last monday. we called it the tamalazo!

5 boxes of chocolate bought after valentines day at a 75% discount. if nothing else the day after the day of love and friendship allows me to buy some okay chocolate at a cheap price.

4 hours spent watching the movies Grease and Grease 2 this week. i don't think i have ever heard so much double sentido in my life

3 number of times i made dinner last week. homemade marinara sauce, it was divine with the handmade meatballs of my friend, garlic chipotle marinaded pork with potatoes and stuffing, and shepherds pie.

2 days that my mom was out of the hospital before she had to leave to be with my grandpa after surgery. so much for getting to relax and spend some time at home huh ma...

1 rejection letter

and really if you made it this far the real point of this post is to send everyone here so that they can experience their own quixotic moment in the cave of montesinos. please click on the link here, even though i am sure that most of you who are looking at this are already visiting the cave on a regular basis, i just want to point out how much i really enjoyed today's post and the one third one back. i truly would like to know what a mahnamahna is and where can i get some of those invisible strings???

please come to boston for the springtime i'm stayin' on with some friends

2009-02-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

they've got lots of room you can sell your paintings on the sidewalk by a cafe where i hope to be workin soon. Please come to boston.

She said no, boy you come home to me.

so here we go,

one day of making tamales with friends while one of the best of them let his girls run around and make me smile.

four days of kayaking with my brothers, not of blood but water, doesn't get much better than that

one day of my mom coming home from the hospital and then going to see her dad in the hospital.

one dinner of tacos and reminiscing about merida yucatan

one letter of rejection

the beginning of one week of reunion with my best friend from my youth while he interns with an architecture firm.

one blog post that made me laugh out loud. look

the drunk kids, the catholics they're all about the same. they're waiting for something hoping to be saved

2009-02-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

so i have this idea to solve for world peace, okay well peace here in the good ol' U.S. of A. anyway. so here's what we'll do, and i need to give venom some credit here, she really helped me develop this thought, i actually think that it might have been her's originally, but i have decided to write about it. so here's what we'll do, the democrats are going to leave the whole gun thing alone, people are going to be able to own any gun they want, any ammo they want, however many they want, i know, i know just stick with me here for a second, i promise this will work out. next, the republicans are going to be so happy with their guns that they will agree to stop infringing upon our fourth amendment rights and i can stop worrying if they are listening to my phone conversations, searching my emails, getting upset when i talk to my friends about how much i want to go to cuba, i won't have to worry about someone getting pulled over and arrested for a having a "single seed" of "yerbabuena" somewhere in the car with them. i think that we would all get along so much more if i could have all of the guns i wanted and know that my right to be protected from unlawful search and seizure was respected, we would all be happy and voila, national peace.

don't you like how i used as many commas as i could

(i did that to throw off anyone who might be sneaking around my blog looking for threats to our national security,,,,,)

hey, i've got commentary without much to say

2009-02-09T15:14:00.000-08:00

so as i left campus this afternoon at approximately 3:37 in the p.m. i was struck but the amazing scene of a storm rolling in. campus sits at the base of some little mountains (read little rocky style mountains, so real mountains, not hills) and the grey ominous clouds dropped down over the mountain tops and began to fill the space in between the foothills and the university grounds rather quickly. soon the taller buildings started to disappear underneath the cobalt grey mass and the breeze started pushing harder against my exposed cheeks. i stood at the light and found that i didn't care so much about crossing anymore. the living, breathing, feeding monster rushed overhead and the cloud covered blue disappeared into a devouring mass of dark. the frozen rain started hitting me in the face, and i still couldn't move, or at least i didn't want to. with the snow my field of vision was reduced to the small circumference that my aura projected around me. it is beauty and organically colorful moments like this that make it hard for me to remember the daunting and looming power of a storm and the risks inherent in it to the exposed individual. everyone seemed to run around me while the clouds slowed down just for me. i love being outside, i remember a storm in the uinta mountains with members of my bloodline when i was younger where the lightning was so close you could feel the electrical charge and smell the thunder. I often look for these moments and opportunities to bond with, never confront, a storm and they form the greater part of my positive memories in my outdoor life. for a few minutes today i remembered who i am, what i believe, why i believe, and who i want to be and what i want to believe. my mom is in the hospital, they want to give her someone elses lungs, she doesn't know if she wants them, and it doesn't matter what i want. since i was about ten years old they have been telling me that my mom was going to die, three years would be a miracle, lets give you some new medicine, but this doesn't change anything, there is no cure, the same things that make the storms so beautiful make us all unique, and they decided to make my mom different. i don't like this storm nearly as much as the one i saw this afternoon, and don't think that i can handle it when it really hits.

it's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read, just yet

2009-01-30T23:02:00.000-08:00

you gotta spend some time love you gotta spend some time on me

i guess my point is i've learned, i've changed, i've improved, and i have fallen behind this past year. i have never failed in my life, i never make resolutions because they don't motivate me, when I want to do something i set out and do it. if something comes up along the way i change my mind and do something else, but ultimately i have decided, in one way or another to be who i am, i am blessed to have people who support me in being me and inspire me to be better so starting this year i want to thank those of you who are true friends, i love you, i miss you, i am excited for you, and i am sorry for your plights.

que dios les bendiga

by your good book's standards, i've sinned like a champion

2009-01-06T15:37:00.000-08:00

dear preacher, thanks for making time for me today, hope you don't mind if i hide behind the curtain

so it has been one month since my last post. for those of you who cared, i am sorry, i never meant to go that long. things have been up and things have been down. passed my prospectus defense, was sick during the holiday break, had to tell my little sister stuff she didn't want to hear, got proof i was right and then completely disregarded everything i said for something shiny. went kayaking to celebrate the new year, started teaching for the semester, and got snowed in on my mom's birthday. i am finishing up the last of the PhD. applications and wondering why? and i have it narrowed done to two boats to replace my cracked kayak. i got gift card to various bookstores for christmas and am looking forward to trying to decide which ones i need the most. and i went to the cave of montesinos and remembered just how adorable his little girls are. i have fallen back into that "i can't write" slump, i will try and do better. you guys and this little remembrance project helped before, maybe we can do it again

i have a friend he's mostly made of paint...

2008-12-05T11:52:00.000-08:00

Es mejor vivir 1 day como leon
than un mil anos como lamb
el leon y the lamb will lie down juntos?
who will make this happen?
quien?
despues de un dia
the lion is ready to lie down
soy leon?
eres mi lamb?
o can i be yours?
when will i lie down?
cuando acostaremos?
es mejor VIVIR 1 day
than un mil de anos
just give me something to show for it
algo!
algo.
algo?

the rain made such a lovely sound to those who are six feet under ground

2008-11-19T16:18:00.000-08:00

the things that i love the most in life are, like most people, the things that i should love the most. it seems that what is good, or worthy of love is much more universal that what one should hate. but i am struggling right now with the fact, well, that so much of what i am supposed to love is turning into, or has become everything that i hate. i don't know how to respond, or act when i am around people or in places that i used to and know that i should love when every semblance of what i perceived to be worthy of my love before is gone and it is just demanding. it's wearing on me, and i'm tired.

i just want to love and be loved in return...

i heard there was a secret cord that david played and it pleased the lord but you don't really care for music, do you

2008-11-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

so when i started blogging here, i must admit i was intrigued. i thought to myself "cool, secret blog. i can do and say whatever i want!" the idea of a secret blog was very appealing, but i realized that i wanted to use this more as a way for me to stay in touch with friends, maybe make a few new ones, and simply write. i realized that a secret blog of this nature, written by someone of my lowly import, does not get a whole lot of traffic and would be, therefore, very lonely. anyone who knows me would know that i like people, i don't know if anyone would call me a "people person" i think that i get called an "ass" much more often, but none would say that i am not a social animal of sorts. but it has happened, twice now i have had things that i really needed to talk about, to vent i guess, but i have had no forum, public or private to do it in. i am not one to hold my tongue, i generally say what i feel, i try and be tactful, but have no problem stating my mind. sometimes this is good and sometimes it is not. so it was hard for me not to let go here to my virtual colleagues. i don't know if i am "growing up" (i did just turn 29), or what, but my blog here has turned into an affective filter to help censure my emotions. i don't like holding things back, i feel somewhat dishonest with myself, but i can't please everyone, nor can i change them as to be pleased by them. these have been some of those times where no one wins, so i guess i'll keep quiet.

now i need to clear a few things up i need to get my head clear need to clear the air

2008-11-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

well, i have been doing a lot lately. my brother took me to a concert to commemorate an event that took place some 29 years ago. we went and saw The Eagles of Death Metal. the show was great, they played for nearly two hours, blew out two amps, and broke several pieces of the drum set. they never stopped playing, it didn't matter what went wrong they just rocked out for the crowd. then this weekend i went with some friends and we kayaked all weekend. i did really well, i took my little play boat and hit all of my lines, it helps when you have good people to go with, it always makes my confidence go up. and i have been reading as much as i can, i really have a lot to do for my thesis. anyway i hope that your weekends were as rejuvenating, although ephemeral as mine...

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog, where no one notices the contrast of white on white

2008-10-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

well, the few blogs that i prescribe to have seemed to all have a "home" or some sort of "family" theme this past week. they talked about anything from settling in, to where home really is, and the calling back to home, and even how people from their home treat each other. so i have been feeling quite out of place in all that i do recently, it seems to be somewhat inspiring for a thesis however, and i have actually been somewhat productive this week. Home is an interesting concept for me. i have lived at home longer than many, but i have left for significant amounts of time more than most. i don't think that i can think of a time when i ever felt home sick, and yet i can't think of a time that i felt any different at home than i have in my travels. so what is home? what does it feel like? I have an amazing mother, when I don't get to talk to her, or see her i miss her. but when i am at her house i miss mexico and guatemala, and even idaho. so is it possible to have that many "homes" ? i was talking with a friend last night and she got confused because i called my parents house "home", and i call my current place of dwelling my "apartment" but i feel the same way about them and when i am in them (except for the fact that i don't have the bookshelve space in my apartment that i had before). As a general rule, the first night in a new place is hard for me and i wount sleep real well, but after that i feel just as much "at home" as i do anywhere else. i am goinog on a kayaking trip the begining of november with some friends, i am really looking forward to this, but the interestign things is that teh beach that we are going to sleep on and my goose down sleeping bag are just as inviting and comforting as the couch in house where i spent the greater part of my life. so what is this "home" thing all about?

music the great communicator, use two sticks to make it in the nature

2008-10-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

so, i really really love music. i have been on a jazz kick lately, and thanks to the cave of montesinos i have a nice little library right now on my computer. i have to admit it is a little trumpet heavy but that's okay... so anyway, i understand that anyone who reads this is probably someone who knows me rather well and is already aware of what i am about to tell you, so this might not be the most exciting post for most of you, but on the off chance that someone happens to stumble upon this, i would like to think that it will make their life better.

check this out pandora
put in your email address, don't worry no problems there, and enjoy commercial free, customizable, personal stations of heaven. i want to recommend to all of you that you check out the "chambao" station, it's one of my favorites!

why are you doing this to me, am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?

2008-10-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

so i have been feeling a little sacado de la onda lately. i have been kayaking with some friends, and it really helped, i felt rejuvenated and happy. came back to work and things just didn't seem to keep up. it is always hard when you realize that people don't see you or think about you the way that you think they do, and harder when you realize that you're not the kind of person that you thought that you were...

Way to go Mac

2008-10-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

so really quick, i just want to give a big congrats to my friend mac. he defended his thesis today and pretty much rocked! he talked about atahualpa yupanqui poetry and Eco-criticism. Mac is out at Rutgers University, because he is amazing. I owe a lot to mac, he is the one who really taught me how to make and drink Mate, I will always be in his debt.

thanks mac, congratulations, and good luck

Well, I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death. In every city, memories would whisper: "Here is where you rest."

2008-10-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

so recently i have realized that i have been to a lot of foreign countries and a big chunk of the u.s. of A but, I have only really ever "lived" in mexico, utah, and, idaho. which leaves a vast space of emptiness in my knowledge of just where i would like to live. it turns out that here in the next few months (give or a take a few more) i will be looking for a new place of residence. here is teh preliminary list that has been compiled, i would really appreciate any info on living in these places that you might have, like in particular "will i like it? ïs there any good whitewater kayaking near by?" "hows the food?" "what about the music scene?" "will my friend ben's kids be safe if he came and visited me?" "I really like tree and mountains (mountains not hills), how about that?"

so here you go in no particular order

florida (like the university of miami area)
kentucky (again uni of kentucky area)
california (oh you know like the santa barbara, or maybe irvine or palo alto)
georgia (this is on the second choice level, but hey you never know)
connecticut
kansas
maybe texas, austin has a great music scene you know
pitt is an option
toronto
and i am throwing out a couple of ideas that i have been playing with lately
puerto rico
ireland
and if possible cuba

these feelings wont go away, they've been knockin' me sideways

2008-10-06T12:49:00.000-07:00

i am sitting in my little pseudo-office right now typing on my laptop with cool stickers on the back of the screen and sipping mate. I am having a pretty good day other than a nagging pain in my head that wont materialize into a full blown headache but wont go away either. maybe that's what i get for staying up until early this morning. i just wanted to let anyone who cares know that i had a great weekend, i got to go camping on friday night with my dad then attended to some religious commitments on saturday night and sunday. i'm not sure what others heard but i got a big "come together" and "unity" impression while attending to said commitments. i have been feeling a lot lately for my friends, and the feelings just wont go away, some are amazing, some are of regret, either way i'm not sure what to do with them all. not many of my friends are around any more and the memories are tremendous and the loneliness is torturess.
so this message is to all of you, i love you guys...

born to be a god amongst salesmen, working the skinny tie.

2008-09-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

so it seems that my posts have a tendency to lean towards the longer side, so I thought that I would keep this one on the shorter side.

So i am still having a hard time writing, which makes me sad, and the other day i talked on the phone with a friend in cali, and after the conversation i realized that i have been on the negative side lately. as such, i have decided that the people that i enjoy the most and most enjoy being around are people who are not negative. i would use johnnyA as an example but most of you don't know him so it wouldn't help. i will therefore work on being less negative and more positive. and i would like to help all of my friends and, well, anyone that i come in contact with to do the same, starting with this

www.helloyogurt.com

go, it is great, it makes me happy, hell take me with you and we can both be happy...

i don't know you, but i want you all the more for that

2008-09-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

so i have watched two new movies this last week or so. "Our brand is Crisis" and "finding Fidel" both are documentaries with political slants. i would really recommend both of these to any and everyone. I understand that any form of media is incapable of being truly unbiased, but both of these made me think and reevaluate what i consider as "truth."
i am trying really hard to do some writing, and not getting much done. A current authority figure in my day-to-day recently made a comment to me that i should never have been allowed to get to where i am because of my inability to write, and i must admit that i am having a hard time getting over it even though this person hasn't seen or read anything that i have written in roughly 3 years. so i'll go back to truth, i am struggling to find what i consider truth, and to be true. i've had a few experiences recently to make me wonder how good i am at being true, let me share one.
i wanted a new pair of shoes, so i took my little sister (whom i love and adore) with me and we went shopping. we went to where a friend of mine works, (i really like this girl, she is great, however, she really doesn't know me, not that i know her all too well either so i think that the friendship here is really more of a me liking her and her tolerating me) we bought shoes. (it is my sisters b-day soon so i got her a pair like mine). as my friend and i talked i asked her if she was going to be joining us (me and another friend, on of the most sincere, and sincerely good people i know) for some kayaking the next day. she informed me that she would not, she had chosen not to kayak on said day. in my own ideas of truth, i shouldn't have been kayaking that day either, but had put that aside for my desire to kayak with the aforementioned friend. i was shamed into not kayaking. and have been questioning ever since my conviction to things that i would claim as truth.

i guess my point here is that i am sorry, i don't generally favor parentheses, (i am more of an ellipsis kind of guy) and think that parentheses allow us to side step or justify truth. i am sorry to anyone who finds me untrue and encourage everyone to question authority and seek truth (not just plain 'ol truth but the good kind, you know true truth) and share it with each other.

(oh and here you go ... )

he lives in a little house on the side of a little hill

2008-09-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

so i have just moved into a little 2br, 1bth, kit, parking in the rear apartment in a 4-plex. this happened after a quite long and drawn out process of me sleeping in my car, on my parents living room floor, and camping out. this process included me being the victim of discrimination. so the man i am renting from let his apartment sit empty for almost three weeks, at least two of those i was trying to move in. finally i told him i would need to know if i could move in or not so that i could make other arrangements if necessary. he informed me that he had found a young newly wed couple and would be renting to them if they wanted the apartment and if not, then i could have it. so i called on the specified day and time and was told that he had rented the apartment. i was sad, and upset, i really needed a place to sleep, but i went kayaking with john and shanshine and quickly got over it (i swam but we can talk about that later, for those of you who don't know about kayaking that's a bad thing). later that afternoon the landlord called back and told me that if i wanted the apartment it was mine and i could move int the next day. apparently one of the two didn't like my little house. so here is my point. i was really upset that i wasn't going to get a place to live simply because i am not married. my money is just as legit and i am just as capable of paying on time as my married counterparts out there. the landlord even explained to me that he gives priority to married couples as a way to help them save money to eventually put a down payment on a house (rent is more than reasonable). here is my problem, i am angry that i wasn't good enough for his apartment because of my marital status, but at the same time, if i was in his position and i could help young married couples get started i would like to do the same thing. i can't help but be a little upset, and yet i would do the same if i could. i guess the bottom line is, do you like apples?
well i got the apartment, how do you like them apples?

i don't know why i feel so tongue tied

2008-09-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

so this is my first post as a blogger. i finally decided that i could no longer live vicariously through my friends blogs by simply leaving comments. i have been putting this off, however, because if feel like i haven't written anything in a long time worth anything. i lost my inspiration i guess and just couldn't find my voice, if i ever had one, to say anything. So here we go, with everything around us changing i am sure i will as well, but i hope that this will be an open forum to stay together and keep in touch as we embrace, struggle against, fight for, and are destroyed by the changes we experience. Truth is everything is always changing, we can either do it together and recognize each other at the end, or do it on our own and never recognize one another again.